|This guy wants to invade your space. Or something.|
I've decided to do something slightly different, only because I'm a sadistic, horrible person who wants to torture people, including myself.
I've found some of the worst music videos EVER. Hey, sometimes pain is fun.
Music videos are still super popular, but now everyone watches them on YouTube, since MTV hasn't played music videos in eons.
All this accumulation of music videos over more than three decades means we have TONS of candidates for worst ever. Let's start with one titled, appropriately enough, "Worst Music Video Ever."
It's a charming little Swedish ditty:
It's nice to see that everyone in the above video found ways to enjoy Quaaludes. The dancing talent is lacking, to say the least, but they sure do like they are enjoying themselves.
Love the hair style and the studly unbuttoned white shirt on the guy lead singer, too. What a, um, hottie. Ladies, calm down please. Oh, you're fleeing the room and not swooning over this guy.
The next video is much more spectacular than the previous one. This might be my favorite. It's got everything going for it: Cheap effects that could give viewers epileptic fits, talentless musicians, bad singing and the most cringe-inducing lyrics imaginable.
"I vant to be your space invader." the guy with the interesting mustache uniforms us in a Russian accent.
Invade somebody else's space, please.
On the bright side, I think the angry looking woman with the pink hair in the video was the inspiration for Lady Gaga. Thank goodness Lady Gaga seems much happier than the woman in this video.
Then again, I bet Lady Gaga would be EXTREMELY unhappy if she was forced to perform in this video. She's probably smart to stick with Tony Bennett.
Here's our Russian hotties:
A music video cliche involves motorcycles and hot, hot babes. This next one's got it.
Watch how she swings those killer hips! Yowza! We got it here in this video, so get up and DANCE!!!:
Next, this one must have been popular with somebody, since it got a zillion hits. It's a young lady named Rebecca Black singing "Friday."
It's perfect! An indulged teenager singing through an awful version of Autotune.
And the deep, thoughtful lyrics! Here's a sample:
"It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everbody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend.
"Partyin' partyin' Yeah!
Partyin' partyin' Yeah!
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend."
At least she has a sense of humor about it. More than two years after the song and video came out, Black released a video in which she mocks herself while watching the "Friday" video. Still, she says it was worth it.
I'm sure it did, since it somehow made her a boatload of money.
Finally, we harken back to the Golden Age of music videos, to the 1980s, with a video, or at least a song that you are probably familiar with.
I had to dredge it up. It's "You Spin Me Round" by Dead or Alive. The lead singer is a cheap knockoff of androgynous Boy George from Culture Club's heyday. He vamps like Madonna with a really, really bad hangover.
And his soaring, "I want your Looo--uh-uh-uh OVVV!!!!!" sounds to me like Howard Stern imitating Luciano Pavarotti gargling.
Here's to starting New Years on a sour but hilarious note.